In this season of love, I wanted to focus on the love we have for ourselves- one of life’s hardest lessons. But the truth is that you cannot love the people in your life until your happy with who you are...where you are...now.
And here is where it gets personal.
There are 3 events in my life that changed who I am. Here is the story of the first one. (Maybe someday I will share the other 2)
So a have a big nose. The funny thing is...I never knew it. I mean who really looks at themselves sideways? It's like impossible...see I am trying to do it up there in that pic. But I will never forget that day I realized. I remember it with such detail. I was in the 7th grade at Jamestown middle school and I was sitting in the entryway at girls spring soccer tryouts. We were all just sitting around in some classic umbro shorts waiting for Coach Smith to get started. I remember being nervous because I had never really played soccer before and I knew half the girls there were really good. But I was fast and coordinated, so I was going for it anyways.
And then it happened. A girl who I knew turned around and looked at me and right in front of everyone, told me I had a big nose.....like this "Did you know you had a BIG NOSE?"
Inside my brain I’m thinking... “really?!?! I didn’t know that. She must be wrong. Can’t be me. HUH?? WHAT??”
But I said nothing as the girls around her giggled. But inside I felt hot and my stomach dropped into my guts. I could feel the sweat start. My heart hurt. Wasn’t she my friend? I was so confused. I wanted to get up and leave. But I was saved by the sport in this case. And that was that.
I spent the next weeks (or years) in the mirror. I would use my handheld mirror to look at my profile in my big bathroom mirror. And if you ever saw the movie Roxanne with Steve Martin, where he uses different pictures to have different noses, well let’s just say I did something similar. A lot.
It didn't help that my brother told me every chance he could that my nose was HUGE, knowing how bad it made me feel. Literally every fight we had he would always add right at the end...."well at least I don't have a big nose!" ( a conversation we still have at the dinner table to this day) So....Thanks bro....you only made me stronger, right??
And not only did I have a big nose now, but I also had braces and a really bad triangle hair cut. Doomed to the land of middle school awkwardness for sure.
But I made the soccer team. So did the girl who told me I had a big nose. And we were friends and still are today. I’m pretty sure she has no idea that that day will forever be a defining moment in my life. And why would it, she was just stating the truth (maybe harshly)....but I do have a big nose. And you know what???..... I’m okay with it, now. And it took suuuuuuuuuuch a long time to appreciate myself, all of me; my flaws and my strengths; my body...and my nose.
It defines me. It’s strong. Like me. And in every sport I played I thought for sure I would break it and then “have” to have surgery. I mean I broke just about everything else. But dang this nose is strong. And it was meant to be on my face.
I embraced my passion for sports, for art, for nature, for health. And as a teen I struggled, but I am so glad I was strong enough inside to believe in who I could be. I focused on what I was good at. I heard someone say once, "just do what your good at and do it well and then life will be fine." I listened for the most part, not always succeeding, but looking back as an adult now, I’m so glad my strengths lead me through life and I never changed what I looked like because of one girl. Because I’m me. Nose and all. And love who I am.
1990-1991, 7th Grade, Jamestown Middle School, Go Lady Tigers Soccer!
Love yourself enough to take care of yourself....NOW. Today can be the day you decide to create change. Join the mission of love and health with me. Your 20 year older self with thank you:)
